My Story

My faith journey begins like many of you. I was born a cradle Catholic, but I believe my faith started before: in the womb. My mom renewed her Catholic faith when she immigrated to the United States at 22 and joined the Charismatic renewal group. When I was with my mom I experienced everything she experienced: including many people praying over her, invoking the Holy Spirit, my mom praying in tongues, and praising God with amazing music. Therefore; when I was born, I too became a part of the Charismatic family. All I knew was praying non-stop, praising God, going to Mass, and living a faithful life. I was so charismatic to the point that when I was 4 years old I received the gift of praying in tongues. I had such great faith that it manifested in the most beautiful way for me - in my prayer life, but sadly I did not maintain this faith with the same intensity and desire for long. As I started school, it dawned on me that not everyone was Catholic or believed in what I believed in. Not everyone had the same devotion to Mary, or attended Mass every Sunday, or even prayed and that left me very confused. Nevertheless, I maintained my faith and followed my mom to every Church event we could attend. At a retreat when I was 5 years old I was playing and when my curiosity got the best of me a pew in the Church fell on the top of my head. Blood started spewing everywhere from my forehead and I was rushed to the E.R. My forehead was glued shut and was sent home. The following year at another retreat I was again playing, hiding under a table, and that table fell over and landed on my forehead. Again, blood spewed everywhere and my mom stitched me up at home. The following year at another retreat I was pouring coffee into a styrofoam cup and I missed the cup. The steaming hot coffee landed on my ankle and the coffee burned my skin to the point where my bone was exposed. Again, I was rushed to the E.R. I was very confused after all these things happened to me and starting connecting going to Church with getting hurt. All of a sudden I started questioning my faith and its purpose. All these feelings and doubts I was having, I never thought of looking for answers, and so I kept living my faith all the while not knowing it had changed. I had subconsciously placed my faith into a little box and it no longer was my entire self but simply just a part of my identity. I stopped praying with frequency and minimized my involvement with the charismatic group as well. Fast forward to middle school and without realizing it I had kept my faith in its little box, but growing in the secular culture all around me began to tear me down. In the 6th grade there was a need for me to "fit in" and be accepted. This need was so much that I started to change who I was. There was a common practice among my clique of skipping lunch and this planted a seed in me that I wasn't good enough: especially in my appearance. These tendencies of skipping lunch planted the seed for further anorexic tendencies I experienced in high school. My friend group changed in high school, but I felt like I wasn't enough because I wasn't fitting in. In high school my faith in my box kept on getting smaller as I realized in order to be somebody I would have to sacrifice my morals and values. The Lord blessed me with an amazing family and I did not fall into further sins of secular culture. However, I still had the doubts from 6th grade follow me of not being good enough and lead a life of lukewarm faith. At 18 I started to take charge of these negative feelings, but I faced them a backwards way. I wanted to change my appearance and my anorexic tendencies creeped back in. I started to skimp on my calorie consumption that I felt fatigued all the time and this new pattern lead me to bulimia and exercising excessively. My parents approached me, noticing how withdrawn and angry I had become, and I decided I didn't want to be this person I had transformed into. It wasn't me. I remembered the person I used to be...my 4 year old self. I realized I wanted to be that person who so easily trusted in God and was carefree. I went seeking what I knew would bring me comfort, what had always been my identity, my faith. I went to confession and was healed of the feelings of not being enough,. As I grew closer to my faith I experienced a spiritual attack that completely broke me. I saw something in my Parish that in a sense robbed me of my innocence in that moment and I felt completely alone. The incident was reported and everything was taken care of, but that night I cried the most I have in my life and pleaded with God to heal me and never leave me. The next day I again sought confession and was healed of that wound, but I was still holding back from the grace God wanted to give me. I kept those feelings hidden away and 2 years later an opportunity presented itself to attend a retreat with 17,000 Catholic young adults. In Adoration I gave my life to God placing everything I had with Him in the monstrance. I allowed for His love to envelope me and felt such a sense of calm I knew my heart was His now. I was healed of everything I had allowed to tear away at me and my faith escaped the little box I placed it in and burst open. I have allowed the Holy Spirit to guide me and continued to be open to God's voice. I fell in love with my creator and my life has been filled with struggles and imperfections always accompanied with peace knowing Jesus is walking alongside me holding my hand with a brilliant smile. My faith has saved me many times and continues to give me hope. The happiness I feel in the presence of God in Mass, Confession, and Adoration have no comparison. I thirst for Him. Now, moving forward I desire to share my love story with God so that hearts may be open and set on fire to the beauty of belonging to Jesus and the Catholic faith. 
-Diane Arias, Newman Club President